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Apr. 12, 2014 Day #59 Monologue Mania
Satellite Selfie (c)
by Janet S. Tiger
(c) all rights reserved 2014
(A woman comes onstage, frantically dialing a cell phone.)
Marge? Are you there? Please pick up the phone! My God this is important!
Marge! I know you're there..(horrified)..... I can ...I can see you on Google! That's what this is about! And I know you have the cell phone.....near you....so please pick up!
(Relieved) Marge! I am so glad I got you! Yes, it's important! I was just on my computer, and I was on Google, and I happened to look at your house…(listens)….yes, sometimes I do go onto Google and look at our neighborhood………but pay attention, this is important! There is a camera on your house right now, LIVE! (Listens) That’s right, a camera! From Google! From outer space! …….And I know that you are in your back yard, doing yard work....and yes, I know that you have no clothing on! In fact, the whole world knows you have no clothing on! You are.....(shocked).... completely naked!
I am horrified! I mean, I always knew you were weird, but this is too much.....stop laughing, Marge! It's not funny!
And yes, I know it's a very hot day and you hate clothes and that's why you put up eight-foot high fences with barbed wire on top and tall trees, but that is not the issue!
I mean, I don't care what you do in the privacy of your home, but with these Google satellites, you are fair game once you step outside! I always knew going to the moon was a bad idea, but this just proves it!
Would you please stop laughing! You probably jiggle like the dickens when you laugh!
No, I am not watching you right now - I thought that would be an invasion of your privacy......stop giggling! ….And no, I am not going to save this so you can have a …what did you call it…a ‘satellite selfie’!
I wish you would see the seriousness of this!
I don't care if your hydrangeas needed pruning! I don't care if all your bushes need pruning! (Realizes what she said, sputters) I mean, that came out wrong.....just go inside and put something on, for God's sakes!
What? (resigned, and just a little jealous) Well, yes, dear.....you do look great from outer space......
(She shakes her head, hangs up)
Janet S. Tiger 858-274-9678
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8