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Mar. 20, 2014 Girl on a Bus With Lawnmower Day #36 Monologue Mania
Girl on a Bus (With Lawnmower)
by Janet S. Tiger (c) 2014 all rights reserved tigerteam1gmail.com
(A girl comes onstage, she is in her twenties, dressed a little hippie-ish, and she is rolling a lawnmower. She stands to the side, waiting for the bus. It arrives – we know because the wind blows her a bit, and she hangs onto the lawnmower to make sure it doesn’t move. She takes the lawnmower carefully up the steps)
Hang on, I have to get my pass…….here it is….
(She shows it to the driver, is surprised.)
Whaddaya mean, what is this? It’s a lawnmower, man! Are you blind or something? I mean, if you can’t see it’s a lawnmower, should you be like, driving this bus?
Whaddaya mean, I can’t bring the lawnmower on the bus? I have a pass! See!
(She waves her wallet again.)
So where’s that rule? Show me that rule! Hey, this mower isn’t hurting anyone! It don’t even hurt the grass, just cuts it – like a giant barber shop in the open air!
Wait a second! Wait a second! Look, I know there’s a lotta people gotta use the bus, but you’re only half full, how about we put it to a vote?
(She turns to the people in the bus, lifts her fist.)
If these people do not want me on this bus, I will leave, but first, let me ask them something….
(She stands up tall.)
(Starts slow) This is a good lawnmower, and I have to get it to an overgrown lawn across town, and I got no car, and no friends with cars…that have gas in them or that work right now, and this lawnmower is gonna be good – I won’t turn it on and make any noise! (Getting worked up) I can’t walk ten miles with this mower, it’s little tiny tires aren’t strong enough! They’ll wear out on the hot pavement, and then it won’t be able to cut that high grass and the grass will grow until it blocks out the sun and maybe even someone might get lost in the grass and maybe never be seen again! (Almost in tears) I just gotta take the bus! And let me ask you... if it were a baby, would you say ‘no'?
(She listens, smiles)
There, so all in favor of me staying on the bus with my lawnmower, raise your hands!
(She looks around, smiles again.)
There, Mr. Driver, we’ll be good.
(She stands, smiling, swaying with the bus, holding onto the mower.)
There, there, little mower, we’re almost home – you’ll be able to see your friends in the garage again……..
(The bus jerks to a halt and she starts to exit.)
Thank you, Mr. Driver! That was a great ride!
(Listens, in earnest)
Oh, hey, don’t worry…..I won’t be bringing the lawn mower back! He’s home safe and sound! I promise…tomorrow I will not be bringing a lawn mower on your bus! Word of honor!
(She steps off onto the street with the mower, waves at the bus)
Tomorrow.... I have a wheelbarrow!
(She walks off, waving)
The end...for now
Janet S. Tiger 858-274-9678
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8