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Apr. 25, 2014 Day #72 Monologue Mania
My Favorite Present
by Janet S. Tiger
© 2014 all rights reserved
(A woman skips onstage - she can be of any age, but when she skips onstage, she is five years old, and she is very happy)
(Singing) Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Happy Birthday dear meeeee, Happy birthday to me!
Oooh, I just love my birthday! It is the best day of my whole life! It is better than Christmas, because....(not as happy) I have to share Christmas with the baby Jesus......(back to happy) .....and I suppose the presents are nice, but on my birthday it's all about ME!
(She continues to skip around.)
Have you figured out yet, that today is (shouts) My Birthday!
(Throws open her arms)
And I am going to be FIVE!
(She counts on her fingers)
One, two, three, four….FIVE!
And I get to go to real school, and that is going to be SO much fun!
I can hardly wait for this afternoon! We’re going to have a party, and I am going to get my favorite present of all time! Can you guess? It’s a bicycle!
(Holds her arms around herself and whirls around)
Oooh! I have wanted a real bicycle since I was a baby!
(More serious) Not one of those …(says it with disgust)…TRI-CYCLES!
I am not a baby! I want a real bicycle! One with training wheels that get taken off! One with blue stripes!
(Looks at the audience)
Oh, Aunt Hattie, I didn’t realize you were here! Did you come for the party?
What do you mean, momma had a baby? Last night? (Suddenly realizes) Is Momma ok? (Listens, relieved) Oh, good! (A bit deflated) I don’t understand.
(Less happy) …. we already have a baby, my brother, Luke, doncha remember?
……..(Back to herself) ….I don’t remember much about when Luke came, I was little then, I still had to ride a….Tri- cycle.
(Disappointed) So, Momma won’t be here today? Oh, that’s too bad…….but what about the party? (Listens, relieved) Oh, thank you, Aunt Hattie! My party is so important!
(Listens, getting very upset)
What do you mean my birthday present is a new baby? I don’t want a new baby! All babies do is cry and I have to be quiet so I don’t wake him up, and Mommy and Daddy are too busy for me! And anyhow, I was supposed to be getting a bicycle! (Almost in tears) I want a bicycle!
(Looks at the audience, listens, relaxes)
Okay, I won’t worry…too much. I mean, how many babies do we need? That will make….
(counts on her fingers)
One, two babies……(wails) .and I don’t even have one bicycle!
(She now changes – if the actress wants, she can remove a sweater to reveal a party dress, but the easy way is to take out a birthday hat and strap it on, it’s party time….she is listening, others are singing to her, she mouths the words, very happy)
(Quiet) Happy Birthday to……me!
(Jumps up and down – blows out the candles)
Let’s open the presents! I don’t care about the cake today!
(She rips open the packaging, throwing things to the side.)
Very nice, very nice…….
(Looks around, isn’t there anything else?)
(Disappointed) Is that all? I thought……that….well…..
(Her head slumps, then picks up)
Where are you going, Aunt Hattie?
(She starts jumping up and down)
Is that for me? Oooh….it’s just what I wanted!
(She holds the bicycle, down on her knees and wraps her arms around it)
It’s the most beautiful thing in the whole wide world! I love it! I’m gonna keep it forever!
(She ‘rides’ it around the stage in ecstacy. Looks to the audience)
Can I sleep with it?
But I love it so much!
(Thinking) Will Daddy be able to teach me how to ride today – without the training wheels?
Where is Daddy? I mean this is a special day!
Mommy’s home! Yeah! Maybe she can teach me how to ride this bicycle!
Oh, she’s in bed…….can she teach me later. When she gets out of bed?
(Listens) What? Another present?....But I have everything I want…..
(Looks into audience.)
Oh. My new……(surprised)……sister?
(Holds out her arms a little reluctantly)
Okay, but then I’m gonna go out and start riding my bicycle…..
(She holds the new sister…..gingerly at first, then less so, then she is bored)
Can I go play now?
(Listens, she just wants to go)
Yes, she seems nice…..
(Turns to go, is called back)
(Sincere) Thank you, God, for Mommy being all right….(less sincere) and for my new sister, and ….can I go now?
(As she leaves, she is joyous, taking her bike)
This is the best birthday of my whole life!
(She takes off the party hat, and puts on a mature jacket, she is now an adult)
And it was…….. because that bicycle lasted for years!
And now, I have a slightly better bicycle….and I am looking forward to using it, this weekend for the Pedals for the Cause, because we’ve been lucky, my dear sister, you and I and our children are healthy and strong - but others haven’t been so lucky, so off we ride! Thank you Senior Channel for letting us spread the word on such a good cause.
(She starts to leave, then turns back)
(More serious) I may have loved that bicycle.....and I sure love my new 10-speed!... But you…..(chokes up a bit)….you were and are .....the best present, and, on our birthday, I am sending you this Happy Birthday - Happy Birthday twin!
(She exits, we hear her singing lightly - 'Happy Birthday to us....' The end - but we also need to see an end to cancer, so please support Pedal the Cause San Diego)
Janet S. Tiger 858-274-9678
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8