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monologue mania day # 159 by janet s. tiger nuckin futz (c) july 21, 2014

7/21/2014

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for a whole year!
Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
--------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 159     by Janet S. Tiger Nuckin Futz July 21, 2014                                                                                 Parental alert - some possible off-color

                  Nuckin Futz                                            A monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved    tigerteam1@gmail.com

            (An actor comes onstage - he is walking quietly, deep in thought. Leaves stick out of his clothing and his face is painted to look like a flower. He is serene.)

I .....am a flower....

          (He lifts his up his arms)

My face is warmed by the sun.....

          (He twirls)

And I give my love to you all...

        (He smiles, but then his smile becomes....strange. His teeth are clenched. He pulls the leaves from his clothing, starting to laugh)

I am NOT A FLOWER! I AM A MAN!

I am more....I am an actor!

And I refuse to do these silly monologues! I hate them! I am not Hamlet! I am not a cat! I am ME!

And I want the damned part!

        (He takes out a handkerchief and spits on it, removes some of the paint from his face.)

I HATE MAKE-UP! I want a part where I am a human being! I am sick of improvisation and Shakespeare and Pinter! I want to be me! I want this part!

        (He comes to the audience)

And I want it NOW!

        (He drops to his knees)

PUHLEESE!

         (Starts to get a little wild, puts hands to eyes)

I see you out there, you casting directors, you! You want me to be able to do anything you want! Well, I can! I can do dogs and I can be a washing machine and a cow and a devil and whatever you want - just....
give me the damned part!

        (Looks to the side)

Stay away from me!

        (Runs to the other side of the stage)

You can't make me get off the stage! I must be here! I am not crazy! I am not.....

      (He turns as if talking to himself)

Methinks the nutcase is protesting too much! Out, out damned crazy one!

      (He tries to pull away, but something has him, and is pulling him offstage.)

No! I'm not finished! LET ME FINISH! YOU ARE ALL DRIVING ME NUCKIN FUTZ!

      (Starts to laugh wildly)

That's what I am - nuckin futz.....I have finally cracked......twenty-two years of auditioning without getting ONE DAMNED PART!   What the hell do you expect?

      (He stops resisting, is slowly dragged offstage, falling to his knees and trying to hold onto the floor.)

HELP ME! PLEASE HELP A FELLOW ACTOR! JUST ONE PART, ONE TINY LINE......I PROMISE....I'LL BE GOOD!......

     (As he is disappearing, we hear him)

Oh, no, I'm melting........

(He listens, jumps to his feet and then in the air waving hands)

I got it! I got the part! And....the Oscar! Oh, thank you to the Academy.....

(He is pulled off completely, but.....after more therapy, he'll be back!!)


   ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To all my actor friends -thank you...and don't give up!
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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monologue mania day # 158 by janet s. tiger radio row (c) july 20, 2014

7/20/2014

1 Comment

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for a whole year!
Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
--------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 158     by Janet S. Tiger Radio Row July 20, 2014
                                  Radio Row
                 (Am considering doing this for a play, but definitely this is a movie concept. )                                            A monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved    tigerteam1@gmail.com

(Heard will be - Voice-over -older man’s voice)
       (Black screen)

Before the Internet,,,,

(We see computers going backwards from the small tablets to the towers, to the room size computers of the seventies.)

Before television....

(We see the televisions of today go backwards to the older ones, bigger, then smaller, black and white.)

There was radio......

(We see transistor radios, then they go backward to the larger tabletop, to the standing radios....in every home, every room, every place in a much older New York)

And if you wanted to buy a radio......

(A street sign is seen)

...or a tube so your radio would work....

            (Courtlandt St.)

You ended up on.....

(The street is teeming, it is circa 1936, New York)

Radio Row.

   (We see other street signs - Greenwich and Day....the 9th Street Elevated)

Most people never heard about this street that was possibly one of the reasons we won World War II. In today's world of computers, this area is like an archeological dig - except, it's not here in reality anymore, it's only in my mind.

          (We see a young man, about twelve or thirteen walking through the streets, looking into stores. He has a paper in one hand, and he is asking store owners if they have the item.)

It was where I learned about tubes, and about radios, and electronics....

   (The young man is helped by some, who point him to other stores, but not always treated well by others, who make it clear they are too busy to help)

.......and people.........

   (A beautiful woman is seen on the arm of a man shopping, and all the men turn and look, including the young man)

....... and girls.....and life....but most of all .....on Radio Row, I spent the twenty-five years that made me into who I am today....

(We see a man on television dressed in an unusual outfit)

Mr. Tube!

   (End of opening sequence)
-----------------------------------------------------
As a monologue - it goes like this -

           (A man comes onstage, he is dressed like an old vaudeville star with hat and cane, and will dance through the following)

Before the Internet.......

              (The man holds up a tablet)

...............before television....

              (He now indicates a TV set)

.............there was radio......

   (He pulls out a radio, dancing with it)

And if you wanted to buy a radio......

            (He holds up a 'portable' model)

....or the tube to make your radio work!.....

(He holds up the old style vacuum tubes)

You ended up on.....

   (He looks at a sign)

Radio Row.

Most people never heard about this street that was possibly one of the reasons we won World War II. In today's world of computers, this area is like an archeological dig - except, it's not here in reality anymore, it's only in my mind.

It was where I learned about tubes, and about radios, and electronics...........and people.........
....... and girls.....and life....but most of all .....on Radio Row, I spent the twenty-five years that made me into who I am today....

           (He takes off the hat and jacket, steps into a new outfit that is very unusual.)

Mr. Tube!

   (End of opening sequence) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

1 Comment

monologue mania day # 157 by janet s. tiger funeral plans (c) July 19th, 2014

7/19/2014

0 Comments

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for a whole year!
Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
--------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 157     by Janet S. Tiger Funeral Plans July 19, 2014

                                     Funeral Plans
                            A monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved    tigerteam1@gmail.com

                  (An older woman marches onstage. She halts suddenly and stares into the crowd.)

Right now I am preparing a list of people who will not be allowed at my funeral. At this moment, you are not on the list, but if you annoy me now with silly questions, I will add you, and you will have to say goodbye to me from outside the funeral home, along with the others who have irritated me over the years.

       (Listens)

How will I keep them out? (Laughs) Haven't you ever heard of a bouncer? I plan to have the best of the best for the last of my last rites! And of course there will be a list, and those who wish to see me lying in state will have to have an official ID, like a passport, or at the very least, a driver's license.

I am planning a very big party following the viewing, so it will be worth your while to be nice to me for these next few months - the food will be incredible! I'm having the whole thing catered by Antonio Pippistrini, his canoli are truly to die for!.....and for those who are now doing that ridiculous dairy-free, gluten-free routine, I will serve mowed grass on lightly toasted cardboard!

(Listens, then snorts)

Of course she will not be invited! I am proud to say that I have contributed not one dime to her charity. She is cheap! She never wears a handbag so that she never has to pay a dime for anything!

       (Listens, shoulders slump)

Oh, no......

       (She swallows hard, then gets control)

I can't believe she would do that to me! How DARE she die first! Now it will look as if I was just copying her!

       (More calm)

When did it happen? Oh....and I just saw her last week. We had SUCH a nice talk......that's probably when she stole all my ideas for dying now!

Well! I suppose I am just going to have to live a bit longer, that's all. I don't know how that will be possible, but I will have to force myself. And, perhaps, I can go on a trip and find some new doctors. Some that will actually listen to me and give me some new, useful medicine.

You have been lovely to listen to all this, my dear. And when I do go, you may give the eulogy.

         (Listens)

Well, it is NO trouble at all! You just keep your eyes peeled in the obituaries, if not soon, then in a few months. And I promise, it will be a send-off that you will remember, well, until YOU die! I plan to have half of my ashes mixed with glitter glue, dispersed over the crowd using a hot-air balloon! That way everyone will have a little bit of me touching them, forever. And for the leftovers, they will be released from an airplane in the jetstream, with a camera following as they circle the earth for days, possibly forever.

It is a fitting end, I think. For there is no end to true beauty and genius......and speaking of beauty....

         (She peers into the audience)

And you, my dear, please do take better care of yourself....of course I care! You are my friend! I am very concerned....why if you died tomorrow, you would not be leaving a very attractive corpse, and I fear that the papers would not be attending your funeral. And what a waste that would be!

      (Looks again, more closely)

Are you crying? Oh, dear, please don't cry on my behalf, I might surprise everyone and live a bit longer......

    (She turns to go, stops and looks back)

But at least I know that my end will be perfectly planned...... it's so nice to have a good end.....

     (She exits, not a good end, but maybe better than some)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

0 Comments

monologue mania day # 157 by janet s. tiger funeral plans (c) july 19, 2014

7/19/2014

1 Comment

monologue mania day # 156 by janet s. tiger a possumability (c) july 18, 2014

7/18/2014

1 Comment

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for a whole year!
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
--------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 156     by Janet S. Tiger A Possumability July 18, 2014
                                    A Possumability (for Book of Teas)                                  A monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved    tigerteam1@gmail.com


             (T enters, she is dressed for the day, looking at a photo album, still with a Southern accent.)

My goodness, what did people do before they had photographs? Of course, there were portraits, and no one lived that long, but still, how did you remember your babies? Just in your mind? Perhaps those people had it better....(thinks) no, they didn't.

   (She holds open a page)

There, Viv, you see how your baby looks just the same as you in this photo? If I didn't know better, I'd say it's the same picture!

   (Starts to laugh0

I don't know if you remember when this photo was taken, do you? You were only, how old? Were you four yet? I think it was just before your birthday, because the possum incident almost delayed the party!

   (Nods)

That you remember! Oh, God, my mother used to love possums...and more than the possums, she would love sayin' 'possumability'

She said possums were cleaner animals in general and best of all, they were good for eatin rats, an animal my mother hated. She did not like that people that possums were stupid, or rodents....she would show me pictures of kangaroos and say, 'that's the possum's relatives, and they live far away, so we should be kind to them, and maybe if their kangaroo relatives visit, we could have them over for tea! And she would laugh when I said I didn't think that was gonna happen. She would say....(imitates) 'you never know, T, it's an inneresting ....possumability!' And she would laugh, and if her friends were havin tea with her, they would all get hysterical.

Me, I was terrified of anythin I thought was a rat...and possums looked like rats, so you do the math. And then, one day, someone...I will not mention which father of yours, but you might have your suspicians, lieft the back door open and a mama possum just waltzed right in to our house and made a bee-line...or would it be a possum-line?....to your room, where she jumped into your dollhouse where there was a lovely little bed and she proceeded to have her babies, right in your room!

   (Laughs)

I knew you'd remember! And there was the mother, and when anyone tried to approach her, she would bare those five hundred teeth and hiss! So we had you sleep in our room. We opened the window, but she didn't want to leave those babies! She would walk around the room with them, like the Queen of England!

And, of course, your father would feed it, to try to get it to leave, which is like saying that by feedin your visitin relatives they will leave sooner. Doesn't work in either case.

Then I called my momma, and she must hav elaughed for an hour, and next thing I know she is here at my door, with her overnight bag and some nectarines from her tree.

She tells me that the mother needs a little friendly female conversation and then will be going soon, and proceeds into the room with the possum, carryin her nectarines.

We hear her talkin to the possum like it was an old friend! She told it all about possums she knew as a young girl, and how she hated when people killed the possums for the fur, and how the possum was very unappreciated - and how even the name was silly - Virignia possum when everyone knew they lived in Georgia!

After about an hour of this, which was fascinatin only because I wondered if it might be time to have my mother carefully examined, out comes my mother, shooin everyone out of her way.

(Imitates, very loud) Outa here! Move it! We got a momma comin through! With babies! And I don't want anyone to bother them - they are my friends!

And out she marches to the yard, and I'll be damned, that possum is trailin right behind her with the babies on her back......just as if they had known each other for years!

She marched into the trees down by the creek, and the possum followed. We watched her say goodbye to the possum, and I swear, it looked as if that possum was actually talkin to her!

The possum went into some woody area, and my mother came back to the house, shakin her head.

Life is just one big...posumability! And she proceeded to laugh for five minutes over that.

That was a good visit.....(she takes a deep breath)... and it was the last time I saw your grandma alive. She died two months later, and I sometimes wonder what happened to her possum friend. And then, one night, when I was very sad, thinkin about your grandma, missin her, and I was walkin there in the woods, I heard a noise and I looked around.. The moon was out, and I could see these giant teeth starin at me.....it was the possum, same one, I believe. She had more babies on her back, and for some reason, I told her about grandma. I swear she listened and she knew what I was sayin.....

For the next week, I would go out walkin in the same spot, and she would be there, and we would talk, and sometimes she would listen, and sometimes I would listen. Life is not easy for possums. There are a million ways for possum babies to die, and she had lost a few already from the first batch.

Somehow, talkin to her made losing grandma a little easier - it was as if we shared a special time. One night I went, and she told me that was it, she had to move on, and I never saw her again. But sometimes, I see a possum, and I know it's one of her offspring, all these years later.

Whaddaya mean is that a true story? It's as true as any I tell, because in the heart, every thing is a ...possumability!

          (She laughs and turns to go)

I think that's the title for this chapter - stretched again, but mama and her possum firend would like it .....what is it? Can't you guess? Possumabili...tea!

(She exits, still laughing. End of scene)


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

1 Comment

monologue mania day # 155 by janet s. tiger a walk in the park (c) july 17, 2014

7/17/2014

0 Comments

monologue mania day # 154 by janet s. tiger too late! (c) july 16, 2014

7/16/2014

0 Comments

monologue mania day # 153 by janet s. tiger grave sight (c) July 15, 2014

7/15/2014

1 Comment

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for a whole year!
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
--------------------------------------------------------------

Monologue Mania Day # 153     by Janet S. Tiger Grave Sight July 15, 2014

                                                      Grave Sight

                                                (from the one-man show BEN)

                                           A monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved

   tigerteam1@gmail.com

(Benjamin Franklin comes onstage. He is not happy, holding his hand in a handkerchief, he picks up his finger, looks at it, wraps it again in the handkerchief and shakes his head.)

A paper cut....some things never change!

   (He holds the finger up)

And in a few days, this will be healed, as if the cut never happened. This never ceases to amaze me!

   (He looks at the audience)

Most people have no idea how their body works. Even today, in your time, do you know?

        (He looks into the audience, points at a person)

Are you a doctor? If you are, then maybe you know why the blood pours out of one place, but drips from another.

Why one person gets sick, and then heals, where another gets the same illness, and dies.

   (The lights change, and it is dark and damp looking)

Where are we now? In the home of a dear friend in London. Not in the pleasant section, with the wide windows for the odd ray of sunshine, or the beautiful brocade couches and paintings from France......

No we are below. Three stories to be exact. There is the main floor, then underneath is the kitchen, where the servants prepare the food, below that is the storage level......and then, where we are now. The basement.

       (He walks around touching the 'walls' and pulling a hand back - it's slimy here.)

The basement in these old buildings is not a place to be sick......but it is the only place deep enough, and far away from prying eyes......and, most important......cold enough where one can be sure the smell of the dead bodies we have stolen from the grave can be hidden until we dissect and examine and learn all that can be learned before .......returning the remains to the earth. Sometimes, we do not have the chance to take the bodies up, so they remain here, for you to discover them in a few hundred years. And wonder what happened in this place.

Not many of you know that I was involved in these experiments. Some of you will still villify those of us who did these things.

But....I have been punished enough........the death of a friend is never easy, but when you fear that it was your own involvement which created the situation leading to that death, the guilt that engulfs your brain, your heart, this guilt is not easily calmed let alone extinguished.

In your day, a cut like he had would probably not have killed him, but in our time, the sight of the swelling, the dark lines on the skin, the......I won't go into the final stages of blood poisoning, but suffice it to say, it is not pleasant to endure, nor to watch.

The helplessness is the worst.....to watch a young man, a brilliant young man, married to a young woman who you love like a daughter,.....to watch this, is like going through a hell that Dante could not envision.

William Hewson, Bill to his friends, was very much the man who wanted to learn, despite the societal restrictions of our time. His mistake was a scalpel too sharp, or perhaps he was tired, or the lamp not bright enough......who knows why the blade cut him, and the putrid decaying flesh spread into his healthy body, killing him in just weeks.

I had warned him, we had all warned him, of the dangers. Being caught robbing a grave, or doing these experiments, could result in serious consequence - ostracization of polite society being the least problematical.

           (Franklin shakes his head, he is truly affected)

There are those among you today doing the same - hiding in laboratories, disguising their results and concepts until such time as they are more acceptable to the public.

But they all share a common problem - what to do when what you do catches up with you. And hurts you - how do you tell? Who do you tell?

I never liked when he did the cuts on young ones, even though the expression 'dead is dead' does come to mind. There is something extraordinarily sad about a young person who has died - the promise never coming to fruition.......

           (He stares off)

Like my son. I chose that he not be innoculated against the smallpox. I felt he was too young. Unfortunately, he was not too young to die. He was four years old. I did not want to take the chance and have the thread with the smallpox……(hard for him to say)……go into him. Perhaps if I had thought it out with more logic, perhaps if I had heeded what some said to do…..perhaps…he would have lived. There was no guarantee……life rarely has. And my choice has haunted me all the days of my life, and affected my every decision.

            (He takes the handkerchief off his hand, looks at the wound.)

I told William that it was dangerous to do what he did – but for the sake of all humanity, he should continue if he felt it best.

And so he did, and his discoveries, even though he died young, helped others live.

Did my son’s death help me make decisions in a better way? To choose life, to take a chance to save lives, to save a country that was just young and needed to live past four years…….I would like to think so.

          (He puts the handkerchief into his pocket)

I doubt I will remember to wash this handkerchief properly, it is here for memory sake. In this time, you have many ways of removing stains….perhaps one day, you will find a way of washing away the pain of ……mistakes……

            (He exits. End of scene)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This monologue is based on some facts from Franklin's life - http://mentalfloss.com/article/30448/time-they-found-those-bodies-ben-franklins-basement

and http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2653186/

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8





---------------------------------------------------

This monologue is based on some facts from Franklin's life - http://mentalfloss.com/article/30448/time-they-found-those-bodies-ben-franklins-basement

and http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2653186/

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

1 Comment