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Today is Cesar Chavez Day, and I am working on a monologue about Maurice Jourdane and his battle against the short handled hoe, but it is not ready - due to events that led to the monologue below - which is....believe it or not......a true story........
Mar. 31, 2014 Day #47 Monologue Mania
I Have a Dream
by Janet S. Tiger
© 2014 all rights reserved
(A woman comes onstage, she opens a small paper and reads, moving with the story to illustrate the words.)
Have a dream- I wake up in a cold sweat - well, actually, it's a hot sweat, because I have never had a cold sweat, due to the fact that when you sweat, it's usually because you are hot!
Anyhow, I am being carried away by these giant monkeys, kind of like the ones in THE WIZARD OF OZ, only they are giant, did I mention how big they are? And they are not monkeys, but more like that 'S' on the desktop that represents, Skype- and it is scary!
They are laughing and giggling and telling jokes about me - and worse, they are talking about how they plan to put more 'S' signs everywhere! Not just on every email, but on my clothes, too!
I look, and I am wearing a giant blanket - and it has a giant blue 'S' and it is covering my body!
As we fly over the land, it is changing color from green to blue, the Skype light blue.....as if in some sci-fi movie, only it is not a movie, my dream is real!
For the final horror - and this happens with accompanying music - when I pull back the blanket over my bod- there is even more horror!
I- ME- am covered in the blue insignia! of Skype!
There is no escape.......
And so I awaken......the sky is.....oh, no.....BLUE! Oh, wait, that's still normal, as there are no 'S' s in the sky.......yet. I look carefully. My body, ok a bit sleep wrinkled, and yes, more doughy than when I was 25, not 55, ok, 58.....is the regular pasty shade, not covered in blue, thank goodness!
I breathe a sigh of relief, run immediately to my computer, deciding that today is the day...today I will delete the dreaded Skype!
I boot up - am greeted by the blue square - do I want to make a call? 'NO' I scream - I still have never made a call, as, surprisingly enough..... I cannot figure out how to use Skype - and now, I do not want to make a call! I want to delete your ugly face, never to be seen on my computer! I drag the icon to the recycle bin.......no luck, it will not go! Or it goes, but doesn't disappear from the desktop!
I cry, then remember a dear sister who has sent instructions how to delete the beast.
I pull up the instructions, barely readable as every other word on my emails now says my name and SKYPE!
I go through the 59 steps to delete.....get to the end of the list....it is dark outside....I am tired......and I look? How do I delete? What do I push, pull, shake, rattle, roll or burn? Where do I go to solve this unsolvable problem?
I put my head on the keyboard and weep softly, the salty tears (to match the language now murmuring from my parched lips) dripping onto the keys.....which is of course, very good for them, as it keeps them clean.
And I cannot keep my eyes open.......I am so sleepy.......
Can't keep my eyes open....and yet....Skype is still there! Winking at me from the screen.....Omnipotent.......so sleepy....
Have a dream, wake up in a cold sweat.......
...........repeat - just like Skype! ....Help!
(The woman closes the paper. Looks at the audience. She is not smiling)
This message was found on a keyboard, the person who typed it........gone. It is a warning to those on earth.....you may worry greatly about the creatures from outer space, from the Black Lagoon......from down the street....but the real danger......is lurking.......right in your home........be warned.....be very, very warned.
(She exits. This monologue….is true.)