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monologue mania day # 138 by janet s. tiger legend of donut shop diamonds (female) (c) june 30, 2014

6/30/2014

1 Comment

 
Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                                                                        - for a whole year!If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to 
http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this sit
e

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #138   by Janet S. Tiger  (c) June 30, 2014    

                   Legend of the Donut Shop Diamonds 
                                                           (from the one-act)                                                         by Janet S. Tiger                                       
                                    (c) June 30, 2014 all rights reserved                                                      tigerteam1@gmail.com

(A woman approaches, this is Lizzie.  She is in her fifties, with a lot of make-up and smoking, smoking and blowing the smoke.  She waves at someone, happy to see them.)    (Fast, no chance to interrupt her)Hi, Eddie, you look great!  How are you feeling today….Oooh, someone new, how are you?  What’s your name?  Is this your first time here at the Donut Shop?  I don’t recall seeing you here before. 
Do you, Eddie, huh?  I know just about everyone here and you are definitely new faces!  I never forget a face, do I Eddie? And you all are new, are you new to the area, or you just discovered our delicious donuts?                                                                             (She laughs uproariously) 
That’s a good one, huh, Eddie?  Delicious! 
                                                                        (She slaps Eddie on the shoulder, the coffee almost                                                                          spills)


LIZZIE Well, the donuts may be awful, but we’re fresh!  Oh, yeah, always fresh and tasty!  We    may be old, but not as old as these donuts!  You know what we always say - these donuts       were old when the dinosaurs spit them out!  Don’t we say that, Eddie?  Don’t we?  We   have a whole group of people come here to this place because it’s better than Starbucks, isn’t it?  The coffee is cheaper and there’s no wi-fi, so no one sits playing with themselves!  I mean playing with their phones – you know what I mean! The people are fantastic!  We are like one big happy family! 
                                                                                    (She listens and she shrugs)

LIZZIE All right, one big crazy dysfunctional family!  Eddie is always right, aren’t you,     Eddie?  Eddie may be 86, but he’s sharp as a tack!  Very sharp, we are always impressed   with how smart Eddie is, he knows everything about current events, don’t you Eddie?                                                                                     So you folks are here for the first time, right?  There’s a lot of people who come here who are very unusual.  Like Joey, the guy that comes from a very rich family, but lives in the canyon! That’s so sad, but he’s not a bad guy, you just have to watch you don’t make him mad.  And then there’s Anna, who likes to hug everyone, even if she doesn’t know them, and she has like a hundred cats, so she is COVERED in cat hair, and fleas, too.  I can’t give her a lift anymore because the last time I had to have my car fumigated.  (Gets excited)  Oh, if this is your first time here, that means you haven’t heard about Barney, he’s one of the guys who comes here and he is very strange – we don’t talk any more because he says mean things about me, things that are just not true, well, some of them are true, I do like to talk a little bit more than most people, but, that balances out the others, like Edna, who never says a word unless you tear it out of her with pliers!
(She laughs and starts to cough wildly)

Sorry about that, I have a touch of asthma.  Well, more than a touch, I have to go the hospital every week because come two in the morning, I can’t breathe.  I think I have died about ten times this year!  Well, maybe not died, but they have to give me medicine, and then a mean old nurse tells me I should stop smoking, and then depending on how busy the emergency room is that night, some mean old doctor gives me the same lecture.  Like they think I don’t know that smoking is terrible, I am in the damn hospital every           other day, hello? 
(Because this reminds her, she lights another cigarette)
By the way, this is Eddie, and I am Elizabeth, also known as Lizzie, and for all who know me, the undisputed Queen of the Donut Shop!  Pleased to meet you.
                                    (Reaches out her hand to shake)
Get it?   Queen Lizzie and King Edward?  Just like in England?  Are you from      England?  If you are, we don’t mean anything bad by this, it’s just fun!  We like to have here, don’t we, King Eddie?  We have a lot of fun!  Oh, wait, I was going to tell you about Barney and the diamonds…..yeah, you heard me, diamonds!  Barney used to be in         the jewelry business, and he used to tell everyone he had a stash of diamonds for when     the society collapses, which he figures is going to be soon, and he has those extra food rations, and I think he has a secret cave someplace to go hide in, probably with guns, too!     Anyhow, Barney told everyone he had these diamonds, which, although Barney is a bright guy, he has a Masters Degree in something, I think Philosophy, he told everyone, and not everyone is as honest as King Eddie here.  So what do you think happened?  I mean, please!  Somebody must have heard him talking, or maybe somebody with a big mouth told someone who was perhaps not so honest, and one night, when Barney was walking his cute little dog, Burble, well, someone followed him home, and when he opened the door, the person hit him over the head and dragged him into his apartment, and then gave the dog some treats so Burble wouldn’t bark, and they just ransacked the    whole place and when they didn’t find any diamonds, they took Burble and made Barney pay a ransom for her at the ATM!  It was horrible!  And a big scandal and there were articles in the paper, okay, maybe one article…..and the police were involved and it was the most exciting thing that ever happened to the Donut Shop!
(She now takes a huge breath, and starts coughing again)
By the way, we sit out here because I am no longer allowed to smoke within like a million miles of the Donut Shop, now I ask is that fair?  I’m an addict, and I want to quit, but nothing works!  I had those stupid patches, and they made me sick, and I’ve tried gum and even hypnosis, but I have a medical problem, I cannot stop.  It’s like a part of my brain would have to be cut out!  Speaking of my brain, I don’t know what I’ve been   thinking about, I have to go pick up my grandkids.  They’re getting art lessons so they so they can be rounded individuals.  You should see my refrigerator!  It’s covered with their beautiful pictures!  I am so impressed!
(She gets up, gathers her things) Gotta go.  Nice meeting you!  Hope we see you again….here’s my phone number, if you ever need anything, just give me a call….            
(Stops and listens)
Why does Barney not like me?  Oh, it’s silly, but he thinks I told someone about the diamonds, and that’s why he got attacked, and Burble has never been the same, and         Barney still blames me, all because I told Donna, the lady behind the counter in the donut shop, that I knew who was behind the attack, but I didn’t really know anything, I just            like to talk, and Barney, he never can understand when a person wants to talk, because that’s what he likes to do, and no one better talk when he’s talking!  You know what I mean, he’s pretty annoyed when anyone interrupts his talking!                                                                                     (She hugs Eddie and exits, still talking) Bye, Eddie!  See you tomorrow…. And it can be so irritating when people are nasty when you     have to add something important to the conversation…..but since he won’t talk to me anymore…which I still don’t understand
                                                                        (Listens)
Diamonds?  Barney said he never had any, he was just joking.   Some joke!  He almost died laughing!   

                                                                        (She turns to leave, then stops and looks around)
But I do believe there are diamonds here……In fact, I think the real diamonds here…..are the people…..
                                                                        (She exits.  The end)

-------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
1 Comment

monologue mania day # 137 by janet s. tiger  choices (c) june 29, 2014

6/29/2014

0 Comments

 



Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

                                                                        - for a whole year!If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to 
http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this sit
e


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monologue Mania Day #136   by Janet S. Tiger  (c) June 29, 2014    




                                                           Choices

                                                        by Janet S. Tiger

                                       (c) June 29, 2014 all rights reserved

                                                     tigerteam1@gma




(From Christmas Knights of the Round Table – Mary is very angry, and she wants to make sure the others realize the reason)

                                                            MARY

 I KNOW!  And we all know that this girl needs to pull her act together!  But what you    all do not know is that it is very difficult to get away from someone who beats the tar out         of you!  You do not understand how a man can convince a girl that she is ugly, which Ree is certainly not, and        useless, which she is very certainly not, and that she cannot get along without him -     which she needs help to be able to do! ... and this gift, by our illustrious group, the Christmas Knights of the Round Table, is exactly what she needs!

            (Calms a bit)

- Okay, I know that it looks like she wasted our money the first time.....

            (The others protest, but she holds up the deck)

And maybe in your eyes she did, but not in mine.  It can take years to get the strength       to pull out of a quicksand like that bum!  And you need help - a strong horse, or car - and       friends to throw you a rope, so you can use that car!

            (She is distraught, and now takes the deck and throws it across the room)

None of you understand what that girl is going through!  You, Loretta, your husband is like a giant pussycat….

And you, Jean, Jerry is annoying, but I’ll bet he’s never laid a hand on you……

And Dorothy, I’ll bet you if Richard ever thought of hurting you, you’d….you’d bake      him in a cake and serve it to us at one of these poker nights!

            (Listens, hard to talk)

No, my Tom is a good man……

            (Mary turns back, she is trying not to lose control)

I understand Ree…. because I ...I was once Ree…..

            (The others react in horror and she puts up her hands to quiet them)

You all knew I was married before…..

            (She listens and nods)

I just didn’t talk much about it, did I? 

(Deep breath)  Before Tom…..before we moved here, and bought the coffee shop…..I was just like Ree.  I    worked in a donut shop, and he….my first husband, he used to come and pick up the used grease.  (She laughs remembering)   He was really strong, and, well, I was young.  And he had me in his power.  It was like...like he hypnotized me….and I could not escape his spell.  I became clumsy.     I had an excuse for every bruise and cut and wound.  I fell off a chair, I banged my eye on the closet door, I cut myself making a sandwich……..that’s how I recognized Ree all  those years ago when she first moved here.  It was as if I was looking into a mirror in the past, and there I was.  Smiling on the surface,, but inside, beaten down.  Like eggs.  Like     that analogy, Dorothy?  Like a beaten egg.  All mushed together, waiting to be thrown into the fire to feed someone.

And I only got away, because Tom used to come into the donut shop and have a donut every day, and he would leave a five dollar tip.  That’s 25 years ago, when five dollars was like 50 today.  Tom would walk me to the bus, and those tips helped me save up for a car.  And he helped find me a cheap, good car. And one day, when I was too scared to go home, he helped bandage up my wounds, and when my husband came to get me, Tom told him if he ever laid a hand on      me again, Tom would….would go to the police.  When my husband tried to fight with Tom, Tom ducked the punch and my husband, who was slightly drunk at the time, crashed into the counter, knocking himself out.  We went, got my things, drove to Nevada for a divorce ……(smiles) and a new marriage.  And we came here.

            And I hadn’t thought about it for a long time, until Ree came in a few years ago with a big bruise on her arm, and there it was again.  I know we helped her once, and she stayed with him.  But this time, I have a strong feeling it’s gonna be different.  So I’m going to be the one leaving the big tip for her, so she can escape.  My fifty will be a start, and if you all do not want to join me, I am completely serious about leaving this lovely group – which I helped found, may I remind you – and I will not be happy to do that, but I will….so ladies, you now have a choice- are we going to help....

            (She looks around the room with great focus)

Are we..... the Christmas Knights of the Round Table?   – or are we...mice?

            (She raises her glass.  Lights out.)







-------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8








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monologue mania day # 136 by janet s. tiger the crown of rightness (c) june 28, 2014

6/28/2014

1 Comment

 
Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

                                                                        - for a whole year!If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to 
http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this sit
e


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monologue Mania Day #136   by Janet S. Tiger  (c) June 28, 2014    




                                        The Crown of Rightness

                                                        by Janet S. Tiger

                                       (c) June 28, 2014 all rights reserved

                                                     tigerteam1@gma




              (A woman stands up and spreads her arms wide, she is in ecstasy)




The most beautiful three words in the whole world, and you all said them to me at the same time!  I never thought I would see this day!




Three little words that mean so much, and are so hard to get!    (Slowly with great feeling)  You.....are .....right!




             (She suddenly spins and then reaches for her head)




Wait, do I feel it?   Do I feel that magic sensation?




             (She pats the top of her hair)




I do believe I can sense the mystical weight of that rare coronet of correctness, that tiara of power, that.......CROWN OF RIGHTNESS.




            (She hugs herself.)




Am I over-reacting?  I sure hope so!  This is such a change for me - no one ever admits - at least not to my actual face - that I have been right.




So, thank you all for letting me revel in it.




I feel almost......ethereal!  Maybe I'm dreaming....




            (She pinches herself, and squeaks)




It must be true!  I can feel it.    (Wipes her eyes)  I am truly touched.  You all have given me a great victory.  This is a true honor, as one cannot give oneself this honor, no matter how much one knows one is right - the Crown of Rightness can only be bestowed by others........




             (Takes a deep breath)




I must breathe in the wonder of this moment, as I know the Crown of Rightness quickly dissipates - a sad victim to future issues, which are already here, I imagine, as soon as the crown dissolves.




And I also realize that - in the future - this crowning glory will be a distant memory for only me - as it will drop from the memory of all others within hours, sometimes minutes.




But before the moment evaporates, before this joy is gone forever.......




             (She turns to go, looks back)




Would someone please tell me ........




What was I right about?




            (She laughs and leaves, the end of the Crown of Rightness, but which will remain a beautiful memory forever)










-------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

















1 Comment

monologue mania day # 135 by janet s. tiger  it pays to be pretty (c) june 27, 2014

6/27/2014

0 Comments

 
Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

                                                                        - for a whole year!If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to 
http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this sit
e


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monologue Mania Day #135   by Janet S. Tiger  It Pays to Be Pretty  (c) June 27, 2014    




                                             It Pays to Be Pretty

                                                     (From the Book of Teas)

                                                        by Janet S. Tiger

                                       (c) June 27, 2014 all rights reserved

                                                     tigerteam1@gma







                (T is onstage, brushing her hair. Still old, still with a Southern accent)




Amazin - the only part of me that is thin is now my hair.  I take those supplements, but they don't make much difference.  (She mimics) 'This will double the thickness of your hair....guaranteed.'  Well, one of the few things I remember in math is that double nothin is still nothin.




Zero times a million is still a big fat zero.  Fat zero.  There's a good one.




             (She looks in the mirror)




My momma used to say, 'It pays to be pretty.  So you have to pay to be pretty.'




So we do all sorts of things to make ourselves pretty when we are young.  What a waste of time and money - the pretty is in the bein young.  Youth is pretty.  Now my momma also would say, 'pretty is as pretty does'.  Another vicious lie they inculcate onto young people to try to get them to do good things.  Well, I have known many very unattractive lookin people who did beautiful things.




And some movie star folks who do very ugly things.  So where is the logic of that?




'The eye needs food, too,' is what my daddy would add to this delightful collection of useless sayins that parents collect in their attempt to raise their children properly.




Well, just like everythin else, there is a little truth in all of those old sayins.......you just have to dig a bit to find it. And,  like diggin for buried treasure, usually you come up with nothin.




I look at you, my dear, the next generation.  You are young and pretty.  And that is a good thing, because it does pay to be pretty.




Pretty is like money in the bank, it gives you choices.




The trick in life is to use those choices well.




You look nice, and the young men will gather round, like flies to sugar.  You have the odious task of pickin the best fly of the batch.




No, your grandpa is not a fly!  But, he did come a buzzin around and you will have the fun of swattin them away.  It is fun, until you hit one hard enough to squash him, then it's not so much fun.  Pretty comes with a whole bunch of responsibility,.  Young men are strong is some ways, but very fragile in others.  When they love, they do not think.  And when you have to left them down, you need to learn to do that easy, so as not to damage them too badly for the next girl.




You see, love is not always pretty.  One of my aunts, your great-aunt Juliet, who was very pretty in her day, you look a lot like her, you know, she had a whole pack of buzzin flies around her!  When I visited, it was very impressive.  Buzz, buzz, buzz.  They were always drivin by in the cars, on their bicycles, callin her up on the phone.




            (She smiles, can see the time.)




Anyhow, she had a boy who was just crazy about her.  He had read some foolish play in a high school class, something by that annoyin Shakespeare fellow, and he would come over -and it would still be the middle of the night mind you! -  and do the lines from it......(imitates Romeo)

But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?

It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,

And then he would try to climb up to her room, and she would be a gigglin away, because she thought it was so funny, and it was, until one night, after he had gotten almost to her room, her Daddy stuck a rifle out the window yellin at him to go home....and that poor boy was so scared, he fell down and broke his leg.

 Which never healed properly, so he limped his whole life. In the long run, it worked out because he didn't get drafted, and out of his whole high school graduatin class, he was the only boy who survived the war in his town.  All 16 died - two in the air, and most on Normandy Beach.




So I guess the moral turns out to be, that.....(thinks)  I have absolutely no idea what the moral is here.  Pretty silly, huh? 




Wait, did I say...pri......tea.  I think I can live with that as the title.  Pretty...pre-tea....I can stretch it, just like they stretch the truth in those commercials.




              (She holds out her hand, and then starts to exit)




Now let's see what we can find in my closet that will help you get all...pri...tea....




              (She exits, end of scene)







-------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

















0 Comments

monologue mania day # 134 by janet s. tiger  the covenant (c) june 26, 2014

6/26/2014

0 Comments

 
         




Faithful readers - Please Note- there have been a couple of tech issues, but I have still been doing one monologue a day - please forgive if they got scrambled or did not show up for a few hours!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

                                                                        - for a whole year!If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to 
http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this sit
e

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #134   by Janet S. Tiger   The Covenant (c) June 26, 2014    

                                The Covenant
                                                     by Janet S. Tiger
                                       (c) June 26, 2014 all rights reserved
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com

              (A middle-aged woman comes onstage, she has a nice, conservative purse, and a pad and pencil, from a different age, she is definitely 1940s,  Her English is good, but there is a hint of an accent.)

Hello, Mrs........

            (She checks the papers on the pad.)

Yes, 4258.....thank you.  No, I'm not from the census, just doing something the way my mother taught me.  When you have a big, important job, do it one step at a time, and do each step well.  That was very good advice, I believe.


My family came to this country when I was only ten years old, you can probably hear a touch of China from those years.....it was long ago, but I suppose where you are born is like where a tree starts to grow.  You can transplant the tree, but always, some of the original soil stays on the roots.


         (She listens)


No, I am not here to sell anything.  In fact, I do not like when people come to my door selling things.  I prefer to buy in a store, where I can go back for more if I like the item, or return it if it is not what I wanted.


          (Nods)


So we agree!  That is good, because. you see, if we were neighbors, that is good to have what you call it.....common ground together.


           (Listens, sad)


I know about the covenant here in this neighborhood, and I understand, too.  But we are a good family, my sons are all good boys, never in trouble with the police, good students, my oldest is now a teacher, and the next will graduate as a lawyer.  The two youngest are still in college, one studying to be a doctor, and the other is in business school to help with the family business.




           (Smiles)




Yes, that is our company!  I'm glad you know about it.  I will be glad to get you a special price on your dry cleaning!




           (Listens, no longer smiling)




You are the last family I need to get approval from, and I am hoping that you will help us, because we love the house there next to the corner, and it will be a good house for us, I know.  We will be good neighbors, and we will work hard to keep our home in pretty shape so as not to bring shame to the neighborhood.




I have walked and met every neighbor in this covenant.....120 families, and all of them - so far- have agreed not to protest our purchase of the house.  It is the only way we can be allowed to buy the house, and you are the last family.


We are not rich people, we have worked hard in this country for every penny, and we are looking forward to living here in this community for a very long time......(getting more insistent)...we will be good neighbors, I promise you that, and we will work hard.....(deep breath)  I cannot change the fact that we are a Chinese family.  God was the one who made that decision, before I was born, many, many centuries ago.


We had no control over who we are, or how we are born.....just as you do not!  But we do have a choice of how to live our lives, everyone has that choice, and you now have a choice - will you stay in the past, in the years of the covenant?  Or will you become part of the future?  My son fought in Europe .......


             (Listens)


(Getting more forceful)  Maybe even in the same battles as your sons!  And they fought to change the world!  (Gets even louder)  Now we have the chance to fight to change our world, perhaps not with bullets and guns, but with something as simple as allowing my family to live.....where we would like to live.  In safety.  In a place with big trees, and wide streets.... and neighbors who smile at us.


             (Takes a deep breath, she is almost in tears.  She takes a handkerchief from her purse.)


Thank you!  You have no idea what this means to me, to my family!  You are the last family on the list - no one will protest, and with some luck, after escrow, we can move in within a couple of months!  Oh, thank you!  


           (She turns, looks back)


I look forward to being your neighbor.....


           (She exits.  The end of covenants started with women like this.  Inspired by a story in the San Diego Union-Tribune)


-------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
















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monologue mania day #133 by janet s. tiger  we will fight (c) june 25, 2014

6/25/2014

1 Comment

 
Welcome to Monologue Mania--one new free monologue a day--for a whole year! If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please scroll down for the previous days or go to www.monologuestore.com and click on Monologue Mania.
To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help  a playwright and get more great  award-winning monologues at MonologueZone.com. Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.
----------------------------------------------------------
We Will Fight.....
(for the Senior Channel)
by Janet S. Tiger
(c) June 25, 2014 all rights reserved
tigerteam1@gmail.com

(A woman of indeterminate age but very definite British connection storms on - she is incredibly filled with vigor.  She is...Winnie.  She has a substantial British accent - not Cockney, not the Queen, somewhere in between)

Oh, welcome to all you in Senior Channel land.  I am here to help everyone watching!  I am Winifred Elizabeth Allenhall and I am a person who is opposed to clutter in every way possible!  I hate clutter, and with my help, I will enable all who watch and heed my sensible words to rid yourselves of clutter ...forever!

I have hated the excess of items since I was a small child, even discarding or donating birthday gifts before using them if I did not like them.  My parents were horrified, as they were reknowned accumulators of massive quantities of clutter, also known as antique collectors.  But I told them, even at an early age....why I want to waste my precious time and energy finding a place to store something....I do not want to play with?  Today,  I ask you that very same question!

Do you have clutter in your life?  If you are watching this show, I know you do, because you are bound to watch other channels that have ridiculous commercials that clutter your brain!  And I know you want to change, and that is my purpose in life!

           (She takes out an enormous magnifying glass)

In just a few moments, we are going to put your life under a magnifying glass!  We are going to find some clutter and eradicate it!

           (She looks through the glass - her large eye is very....large)

Right now there is something near you that is clutter.  Go to it, NOW!  You know what it is.....it's a piece of paper, probably, from some newspaper or magazine.  Perhaps a note you should have discarded when you did the task, like shopping for a nice piece of carp for dinner, but left the paper on the table as a reminder you did get the fish, so now it is merely ....CLUTTER!

Perhaps it is trash, a napkin, or even something larger, like a bowl you have always hated but were afraid to give away because your dear friend Hildegarde gave it to you and you didn't want to anger her.....here is a news flash....SHE DOESN'T CARE!  And if she does, then she is another type of clutter...... friend clutter!...... and you should get rid of her!

So, have you found the clutter?  I know you have!  I'm proud of you!  Take it, go do it while I tell you!  Take that clutter and throw it out!  Now - don't wait till summer, the time is ripe for getting rid of all your tripe!

             (Puts her hand to her ear.)

What did you say?  This horrid bowl from Hildegarde is not garbage, you do not want to throw it out....Well, then, put it in your donation box!  (Horrified)  Don't have one?  MAKE ONE NOW!

             (She points to the screen)

And there are phone numbers for your local clutter pick-up companies, right here......

            (She holds up the magnifying glass)

If you can't see the numbers, they are online, too.  I just love computers!  If you refuse to buy one of those infernal printers, a computer can help you get rid of even more clutter!

            (She puts down the magnifying glass)

(Calmer)  Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for letting me come into your homes to help you....and help me to live my dream of de-cluttering this beautiful world.

I hope you will join me....in my hate of clutter.  I hope you will pledge, as I do, to fight clutter wherever it is found....(Starts to get louder)....We will fight clutter....we shall not flag or fail!

We shall go on to the end.  We shall fight in the attics, we shall fight clutter in the garages and in the sheds, we shall fight clutter in the closets and in the basements, we shall fight clutter in our drawers!

          (She stands tall and salutes)

We shall fight clutter with growing confidence and growing strength in our cupboards, in our automobiles....we shall defend our right to live an uncluttered life, whatever the cost may be....and it won't be much because we will be saving money on storage units!

          (She really gets loud now)

We shall fight in our public places to keep out artwork that is hideous and takes up open space!    We shall fight in our pantries, we shall fight on our bookshelves....(Builds big)

We shall fight in our purses, and in the pockets of our coats!  We will never surrender!!!!

            (She takes a deep breath and marches off, looks back)

I will be back in a moment after I de-clutter my bladder.  Take this time to get a big garbage pail and your donation box and bring it close to the television......we have only just begun to fight!

            (The end.....maybe even of clutter.  Nah, that's here forever, ask my storage unit.)

---------------------------------------------

For those historically interested, this is from the original speech made by Winston Churchill.......

"......we shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender......

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
1 Comment

monologue mania day # 132 by janet s. tiger  storage boy (c) june 24, 2014

6/24/2014

0 Comments

 

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

                                                                        - for a whole year!If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to 
http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this sit
e

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #132   by Janet S. Tiger  Storage Boy (c) June 24, 2014    

                                           Storage Boy
                                                     by Janet S. Tiger
                                       (c) June 24, 2014 all rights reserved
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com


           (A nice-looking smiling man comes onstage with a rolling cart - anything that can be used to drag items from one place to another.  He is pleasant, wearing clean clothes and a perky hat.)

Oh, no, ma'am, I'm happy to help.  I like being a storage boy at Sunshine Storage.  That's what we're here for, helping you move in to Sunshine Storage, where we are happy to make you happy to keep your stuff safe...at Sunshine Storage.

           (He goes back for more, brings another pile, stacks it up)

Would you like it here?  I think you were wise to get the bigger unit, more space for your stuff!  And if you run out of space, we have lots more.....just let me know,,,,the first month is always free, and we always help you move......in.

           (Listens)

Yes, it is tough to move to a smaller place.  Always lots to store.  We help lots of people just like yourself.  No one wants to give away memories.  Especially happy ones, right?  Like in this box...

            (He reads off one of the boxes)

Photos from 1989 to 1991.  Those have to be special.  And putting them onto the computer takes so much time, and they never look the same....and you can't touch them....

             (He touches the box)

And since we're open 24 hours a day, you can come here and touch anything you want, any time you want.......we just want you to be happy.

I like to think about this as a happy place, not like in the old days, when there was no storage like this, and people would have to get rid of beloved items, items that had deep sentimental value, gifts that were special…and how they must have cried over these lost items!  How they must have mourned the loss of family heirlooms and tiny handmade children’s gifts!  The pain!  The sorrow!  And here, we have none of that, because, at Sunshine Storage, your stuff can be here…forever!

         (He goes back and gets the last load, packs it in tightly)

I think that's all....no more in this load.  But it's getting a bit tight in here, maybe if you have a lot more, another unit would be a good idea....and there's a special if you get more than one unit....half off the next month's rent on this one!  What a deal!  It's like getting this unit for almost nothing for two whole months!

           (Listens)

I'm sorry, but if you move out, you have to do that yourself, or hire someone.  No, I'm not allowed to help people move out, just in.

           (Listens, laughs)

Actually, I've been here three years, and I have never seen anyone move out....

              (He takes the cart - then leans over conspiratorially)

I hear no one ever has!


              (He starts to walk off.)

At least not, while they're alive......

              (Laughs as he exits from the Sunshine Storage, where stuff checks in, but it never checks out)


Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8



0 Comments

monologue mania Day # 131 by janet s. tiger  call now!  (c) june 23, 2014

6/23/2014

0 Comments

 
Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                                                                        - for a whole year!If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to 
http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this sit
e


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #131   by Janet S. Tiger  Call Now! (c) June 23, 2014    

                                                        Call Now!
                                                     by Janet S. Tiger
                                       (c) June 22, 2014 all rights reserved
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com

         (The spokesperson runs onstage, wearing a giant nose.  He waves at the audience)

I am a non-attorney spokesperson for the drug pinochioxidol, which has been shown to cause increased nasal development after prevarication!

If you, a friend or a member of your family has ever used the drug pinochioxidol for ANY REASON whatsoever, you may be at risk!

This is a picture of me....before pinochioxidol......

          (Holds up photo of normal face)

And look at me now!

           (He sticks out his nose)

I used pinochioxidol for a year to help with nasal blockage.....and it barely worked, but the side effects have been horrific!  First I noticed that, after my divorce, when I started dating, my nose had increased in size.........but then, right in front of the judge in my divorce case, my nose popped out about two inches!  Just because I underestimated my net worth by a few dollars......

          (He grabs his nose)

Stop that!  All right!  I underestimated by a lot, but the thought that others will be afflicted by this horrific side effect has caused me to become a spokesperson for the class action suit against the manufacturer - GepettoMed - an Italian company with no morals whatsoever!

If you have ever taken this drug, CALL NOW!  to the number on your screen....you will be directed to the nearest attorney handling the case.....and you will be given the name of one of our discount plastic surgeons for the....uh......resulting disfigurement.

           (He now removes most of his nose)

This is what they took off in the first surgery!  And this is what they can do for you right away if you CALL NOW! 


And if you hurry, a special price will be given for the follow-up surgeries ....as the, um......surgery is only temporarily useful if you continue to issue prevarications, untruths or falsehoods.

Pinochioxidol - it should never have been used on humans, but since it was, and every one knows humans don't always....tell the entire truth.....you deserve remuneration for your suffering and disfigurement.


CALL NOW!   This look may have worked for Jimmy Durante….or Cyrano de Bergerac…..but it is not in style now!  Don't wait until woodpeckers are inviting you home for dinner! Don't wait until your nose is dragging on the ground! Don't wait until everyone is asking you embarrassing questions to watch as your proboscis enlarges!  CALL NOW!

             (He takes his nose and  puts it in his pocket, which makes him smile and he looks back at the audience.)

And if you would like to buy some pinochioxidol for your family and friends....to find out the truth about anything…….this is the number.....

            (He points to the screen)


And if you call now, you get twice as much for the price of one!  With no hidden costs!

             (He grabs his nose)

Oops, well, maybe a little hidden cost......


And I almost forgot, the most important warning - if your nose sticks out for more than four hours, see a doctor immediately....and tell him the truth!

             (He exits, shielding his face.  Never the end of these horrid commercials!) 

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
















0 Comments

monologue mania day # 130 by janet s. tiger  meltdown (c) june 22, 2014

6/22/2014

0 Comments

 
Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                                                                        - for a whole year!If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to 
http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this sit
e


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #130   by Janet S. Tiger  Meltdown (c) June 22, 2014    
                                             Meltdown
                                                     by Janet S. Tiger
                                       (c) June 22, 2014 all rights reserved
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com


(We hear screaming offstage, wailing mostly, a faint  'Where is it?' emanating from the wings.  Then a girl emerges, her hair askew, wild-eyed, she looks around wildly)

Where is it?  I know I had the cell phone with me when I came!  I know it because I remember talking on it and the teacher told me to turn it off!  And now I can't call it to find it!  What am I going to do! 

(She looks some more, under things, behind things, in the audience under people's chairs, all the while muttering)

I have to show them I'm responsible!  And this is really doing it!  Are they looking at me?  I bet they are!  I knew i shouldn't come to this advanced class- they're all older and I'm just starting out....where is that cell phone!

(She stands and starts to shudder)

I can feel it somewhere in this room- it is calling out to me!  Oh, cell phone, dear cell phone!  Wherefore art thou dear cell phone?  Foresake thy hiding place and show thy plastic face!  Puhleeeeese!

(She is quiet now, listening)

Wait a second, did I remember something?  When the teacher told me to turn off the phone, I turned it off and I was so embarrassed, I put it somewhere very safe...let me think, where would that safe place be? 

(She re-creates the scene)

Ring, ring, ring.....oh, no, Mrs. McKinley, I'm sorry.....(listening)  I know I promised to turn it off....(she is visibly embarrassed) ...I'll turn it off and put it far away....I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!  Please forgive me!  Sorry class...I'll do better next time!



(Stops, thinks,  starts smiling)

Now I remember.....

(She smiles and skips offstage, then turns back)

Yes, Mrs. McKinley, I wrote this all by myself.  And guess what?  It was based on a true story!

(Exit.  The end.)

 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8










0 Comments

monologue mania day # 129 by janet s. tiger  the first day of summer (c) june 21, 2014

6/22/2014

0 Comments

 
Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

                                                                        - for a whole year!If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to 
http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this sit
e


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------    
Monologue Mania Day #129   by Janet S. Tiger   First Day of Summer  (c) June 21, 2014           

                                     First Day of Summer

                                                     by Janet S. Tiger
                                       (c) June 17, 2014 all rights reserved
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com


                       (The man looks dirty - because he is.  He has worn out shoes, a five day stubble and is carrying a sign that says 'Help - Need Food for my Baby' as he bounces around,)

Wow, is it gonna be a beautiful day.  First day of summer......it's warm and getting warmer....

                      (He jumps out of the way)

Hey, mister, watch it!  You almost hit me!  And you got a Mercedes and I got a lawyer who could sue your ass off!

              (Listens, flips the bird, then goes back to the next car)

Hey, mister, all I need is a few bucks, please!  Come on, the light's red, you can help me, it'll make you feel better all day to help your fellow man....and it's for my baby, you know....

              (He reaches out a hand, he looks at what's given to him.)

(Not very gracious)  Thanks a lot.....

              (He looks at the contents)

I can get a whole hot dog with this.....great.

             (Sees another car, perks up)

Slow down!  It's the longest day of the year, you got plenty of time!

              (Runs over, reaches out his hand.)

Thank you!

              (Looks at his hand)

A pack of gum.....amazing...well, I can use it.....

             (Takes a piece, chews big, stops to look at another car stopping)

Whoa.........that's a beautiful car!  It's an oldie but a goodie, just like me!

             (He reaches out his hand, is pleasantly surprised)

(Sincere)  Thank you and God bless.....

            (Listens)

I will take care.....thank you....for being so nice.....and so generous....

           (He waves as the light changes)

That means only a few more bucks and I can quit for the day.....

           (Looks around, taps foot, steps back as something big passes, looks up.)

Ooh, this'll be a long light, there's a bunch of people crossing the street.....too bad nobody's in this direction.....

           (Someone stops and he holds up the sign)

Come on, man, you got a Benz....you can afford a buck....

           (Jumps back)
What the......

           (Looks closer)

Hey, aren't you the guy who just gave me the finger?  What'd you do, a U-turn just to throw water at me?  Jeez!  How grown up can you get!

           (Listens)

What'd you say?  What'd you call me?  You fuckin piece of shit! 

            (He slams his hands on the hood)

Don't like that, huh?

            (He slams his hands again, harder this time)

You wanna make something of it?  Calling the cops, huh?  Let's see how long it takes for them to come on a big call like this!

           (He now uses his hands like drumsticks)

How's that for some good music?  Come on out here and I'll drum on your damn head!

            (Drums, then stops, looks surprised)

Is that a gun?  Do I see you have a widdle bitty gun?  What is that thing?  One of those girlie guns?  Only fires two shots?  When I was in Iraq I had a big gun...my gun's bigger than your gun!


           (Laughs, twirls and keeps drumming)


'I can't get no....satisfaction.....come on out and I'll give you some satisfaction!


          (Stops, stunned, grabs his shoulder)


I can't believe it!  You shot me!  Right here in the street!  Because you ain't a music fan!  And you can’t escape because there’s cars all around you!  Brilliant!
          (Turns and looks)

And the cops are here! Amazing!  This is my lucky day!

         (He waves with the other arm)


Over here, officer....there's been a small problem......

          (He holds his shoulder starts to slip down, laughs.)

What's so funny, man?   I may be shot, but, guess what?  I will get to own your car!......

         (He stumbles off, he turns and looks back)

I think it’s gonna be a good summer!

          (The end)



















------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger    858-274-9678
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8













0 Comments
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    Janet S. Tiger’s award-winning plays and monologues have been produced internationally and are currently in popular anthologies in the United States and Canada.

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