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Monologue Mania Day #135 by Janet S. Tiger It Pays to Be Pretty (c) June 27, 2014
It Pays to Be Pretty
(From the Book of Teas)
by Janet S. Tiger
(c) June 27, 2014 all rights reserved
(T is onstage, brushing her hair. Still old, still with a Southern accent)
Amazin - the only part of me that is thin is now my hair. I take those supplements, but they don't make much difference. (She mimics) 'This will double the thickness of your hair....guaranteed.' Well, one of the few things I remember in math is that double nothin is still nothin.
Zero times a million is still a big fat zero. Fat zero. There's a good one.
(She looks in the mirror)
My momma used to say, 'It pays to be pretty. So you have to pay to be pretty.'
So we do all sorts of things to make ourselves pretty when we are young. What a waste of time and money - the pretty is in the bein young. Youth is pretty. Now my momma also would say, 'pretty is as pretty does'. Another vicious lie they inculcate onto young people to try to get them to do good things. Well, I have known many very unattractive lookin people who did beautiful things.
And some movie star folks who do very ugly things. So where is the logic of that?
'The eye needs food, too,' is what my daddy would add to this delightful collection of useless sayins that parents collect in their attempt to raise their children properly.
Well, just like everythin else, there is a little truth in all of those old sayins.......you just have to dig a bit to find it. And, like diggin for buried treasure, usually you come up with nothin.
I look at you, my dear, the next generation. You are young and pretty. And that is a good thing, because it does pay to be pretty.
Pretty is like money in the bank, it gives you choices.
The trick in life is to use those choices well.
You look nice, and the young men will gather round, like flies to sugar. You have the odious task of pickin the best fly of the batch.
No, your grandpa is not a fly! But, he did come a buzzin around and you will have the fun of swattin them away. It is fun, until you hit one hard enough to squash him, then it's not so much fun. Pretty comes with a whole bunch of responsibility,. Young men are strong is some ways, but very fragile in others. When they love, they do not think. And when you have to left them down, you need to learn to do that easy, so as not to damage them too badly for the next girl.
You see, love is not always pretty. One of my aunts, your great-aunt Juliet, who was very pretty in her day, you look a lot like her, you know, she had a whole pack of buzzin flies around her! When I visited, it was very impressive. Buzz, buzz, buzz. They were always drivin by in the cars, on their bicycles, callin her up on the phone.
(She smiles, can see the time.)
Anyhow, she had a boy who was just crazy about her. He had read some foolish play in a high school class, something by that annoyin Shakespeare fellow, and he would come over -and it would still be the middle of the night mind you! - and do the lines from it......(imitates Romeo)
But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
And then he would try to climb up to her room, and she would be a gigglin away, because she thought it was so funny, and it was, until one night, after he had gotten almost to her room, her Daddy stuck a rifle out the window yellin at him to go home....and that poor boy was so scared, he fell down and broke his leg.
Which never healed properly, so he limped his whole life. In the long run, it worked out because he didn't get drafted, and out of his whole high school graduatin class, he was the only boy who survived the war in his town. All 16 died - two in the air, and most on Normandy Beach.
So I guess the moral turns out to be, that.....(thinks) I have absolutely no idea what the moral is here. Pretty silly, huh?
Wait, did I say...pri......tea. I think I can live with that as the title. Pretty...pre-tea....I can stretch it, just like they stretch the truth in those commercials.
(She holds out her hand, and then starts to exit)
Now let's see what we can find in my closet that will help you get all...pri...tea....
(She exits, end of scene)
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8