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Yesterday was the female version - today is Eddie's side, so this a Rashomon concept. I try something new all the time, but this is the first for this type of variation. Please let me know which you prefer
Monologue Mania Day #139 by Janet S. Tiger Legend of the Donut Shop Diamonds (Male) (c) July 1, 2014
The Legend of the
Donut Shop Diamonds © 2014
Male version monologue
by Janet S. Tiger
(c) July 1, 2014 all rights reserved
(An older man enters, this is Edward and he is carrying a donut and a cup of coffee. He nods at the audience)
Well, hello, and welcome to the Donut Shop! …. Oh, no, I don’t mind if you smoke, these chairs are officially 20 feet and one inch from the door, so we’re okay.
(He sits in a chair and sniffs the coffee appreciatively.)
Mmm. That is still one of the worst cups of coffee I have ever smelled.
(He takes a nibble of the donut.)
.....is called the diamond of the donut world - because it's hard enough to crack your teeth on - if you're dumb enough to try to chew it.
Why do I get it then? Every day, no matter what the weather, or whether or not any of the others show up, I get one small cup of coffee and a donut.
And they always taste like shit.
(He dunks the donut into the coffee)
But if you take the rock hard donut and put it into the bitter coffee......
(He stirs the donut around, then takes a bite)
The combination of bitter and sweet, and the donut soggens up a bit, and suddenly.....
(He smiles as if the sun has come out on a rainy day)
.....suddenly you have ecstasy!
(He takes a big swig of the coffee with the donut after)
and that my friends, is the secret of life - find the joy. Now what brings you to this lovely establishment?
That makes sense, a cup of coffee and a donut is a good way to start the day. Me, I enjoy all the stories I have watched develop over the years. Some true, some….expanded. Some have grown so large that they are almost legendary. Speaking of legends, here comes one now…..
(He indicates an approaching person we will only see through Eddie’s eyes)
This is Lizzie. She claims to be in her fifties, which no one believes, and she smokes like a chimney and says she is going to quit, which no one believes. She is also carrying a cane, my cane, which I left in her car, because, although she never stops talking, she is always willing to give me – or anyone else who needs – a ride. No money asked for, only that you have to listen to her, and endure the secondhand smoke.
(He reaches for and takes a cane.)
Thank you, Lizzie, I’d forget my head if it wasn’t glued on……
(He now listens, nodding every so often, then turns back)
She can go on like this for a long time, we can actually hold a conversation during her speaking, she doesn’t mind……
(He jumps back, almost spilling the coffee.)
No problem, dear……
(He listens, laughs, gives a look)
Are we really such a big happy family?
(Turns away from Lizzie)
The stories she is telling you are true…..in some ways. They are truly fascinating – if you like oddness. Some of them are downright mythic by this point……..like this fellow Barney, he is someone to reckon with – everyone is afraid of him, except of course, for Lizzie and myself. He is loud…..
(He nods to Lizzie)
You’re right. he is very loud……
(Reacts to her coughing0
Are you all right, dear?
(To the audience)
This is Elizabeth, also known as Lizzie, who, even though in an uncontrollable coughing fit, is the undisputed Queen of the Donut Shop! We are pleased to meet you….
Yes, this story actually is quite fascinating, probably the biggest event here, outside of the time a car jumped the curb and smashed through the windows and there were donuts flying everywhere. Luckily no one was hurt then, but Barney, that’s a different story……
To summarize Lizzie’s extended narrative, which you can hear in totality any time you ask, Barney used to be in the jewelry business, and he used to tell everyone he had a stash of diamonds for when the society collapses. One night, as the story goes,
Barney was walking his dog, and someone followed him home, hit him over the head and then gave the dog some treats so it wouldn’t bark, and they found the diamonds, and, Barney had his mouth taped shut for hours until a neighbor called the police when the dog kept barking. I believe the diamonds were covered with insurance and there was even something in the paper, ….. and it was the most exciting thing that ever happened to the Donut Shop!
(He waves at Lizzie)
Bye! Good seeing you! Thanks for bringing my cane!
Why does Barney not like Lizzie? He heard that Lizzie told someone she knew who was behind the whole thing, but she then she told the police it was just a story to get attention.
(Waves again, vigorously)
And that is why, even though my children beg me to live with them, I prefer to stay here in my little apartment down the street. Because this Donut Shop – with all its crazy…keeps me going…..Which reminds me, I have to go, too, it’s time for my nap…
It’s an interesting question. I truly believe Lizzie didn’t know who was responsible. Why? Because – you might have noticed- she can’t keep a secret. If she knew anything, the insurance guys would have been here five years ago.
(Tilts his head, interested0
Who did you say you were?
(He takes a card and looks at it, shakes his head and smiles)
I figured you guys would figure it out one day! You see, I never thought he had any diamonds! Why? Barney did not strike me as the type of man who had ever been in a field that involved beauty….but I could see he might make a good friend in the right business, in the insurance business, someone he could work a good scam with. That’s why he hated Lizzie, she always talks too much, asks too many questions.….Barney? He hasn’t been around here in a few days, maybe it’s a few weeks. But if I see him, I’ll be sure to call you…….
(He puts the card in his pocket, listens)
I do believe there are diamonds here……In fact, I think the real gems here…..are the people…..
(He turns to leave, then stops and looks around)
There is a reward if I call you about Barney, right? (Smiles) That’s what I thought. Now that would make a good end to the story!
(He exits. The end - of this story, but - just like the donuts - there are plenty more.)
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8