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Monologue Mania Day # 160 by Janet S. Tiger The Worry Cafe July 22, 2014
The Worry Cafe A monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved firstname.lastname@example.org
(A waitress enters, very enthusiastic. She is dressed with the old time waitress outfit - white apron, hat, everything crisp and clean.)
Well, hello everyone out in Senior Channel land! Are you sick of hearing friends complain about their problems when you have none? Want to get some problems to make them green with envy, not food poisoning?
Well, I am so happy to be here tonight to tell you about a wonderful new place to go - a place that is the exact opposite of that new horrible expression - NO WORRIES! I am the head waitress of....THE WORRY CAFE! Where our motto is - don't pack up those worries in an old kit bag - bring 'em down to us and we'll put them into our menu! Happy all the time? We have the savory solutions! Too healthy? We've got all kinds of specialty appetizers - - how about Cancer Canapes? Your daughter is screwing around - try our- Whore's Doeves! For those who are not gluten-free, try our Malaria Muffins or Sickness Spaghetti! And we have plates of problems -Lamb of loneliness, Deep Dish Depression Pizza , Beat-up bacon! Heaped on with gravy tears! For desert we specialize in moments of misery! There's Donuts of divorce, Apple pie of prostate problems! and a constant favorite - Injury ice cream! Our menu is human suffering however you like it! And forget about sports on those big TVs! (She points to the 'walls') We have the nightly news from all over the world - edited to show only the misery of famine and the horror of war! A sure fire way to add to all your worries! And I almost forgot - there's the Blue Plate Special! When you're finished, you're guaranteed to be blue! and the Worry Cafe is a special, sharing place - when you come in, we want you to know that SHARING IS CARING! (She takes something from her apron and shows a pad around to the crowd)
.....so you get to write all your worries on these special 'worry cafe' list of worries..... And I can pretty much guarantee that when you leave....(Quieter) ..you'll take them all back......So far, everyone has......and why would you all your own worries back? Because worries are like underpants.....they may be annoying, and painful and scrunch up, but they're all yours! And you want to leave in the underpants you came in with!
(She turns to leave, looks back) ..So come on down! Where our motto is....'If you have no worries, you're not at the Worry Cafe!' (She exits. The end.....of no worries.)
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8