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Monologue Mania Day # 163 by Janet S. Tiger The Shover July 25, 2014 The Shover A monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved firstname.lastname@example.org
(A Japanese man enters, dressed in a suit, with white gloves. He bows to the audience)
(Slight accent) Hello, I am very honored to be a guest on your esteemed Senior Channel. In Japan, the old are revered. It is a good thing to have a television show which also reveres the older people.
I am here to tell you about my job, to introduce the idea of my occupation to your country, because I feel it would be a good thing to use people like me in your cities that are crowded.
I am a....ショーバー a Shōbā.....in English, a shover.
I wear these gloves to keep the people clean, because I am very careful at my job.
When it is too many people getting into an elevator, or a train, that is what I do.
(He illustrates by pushing gently with his hands.)
That is the motion if there are only a few people left on the platform.
(He pushes harder, his teeth clenched now)
And this is what we do when there are more people......
(He now goes crazy forcing and shoving hard)
And this is what we have to do on cold days, when people wear too much of clothing!
(He is now almost in a flurry of activity, and he is breathing hard, simulates final shoving and jumping back as doors close)
It is a very unfair thing to say that babies suffocate as a result of my job, because this has happened to only a very few babies over many years. It is true some people can suffer broken arms, but it is really their own fault, they should not be carrying those heavy purses, and they should be prepared for the shoving - it is not a surprise.
And as for the missing and lost shoes, those are a cost of traveling by the train, just as you have a cost of gasoline in the car.
So now that you see how efficient we shovers are, I hope you in America will consider using us in your trains, and elevators, and at other events like conventions. I was just at your Comic Convention and the need for shovers is very great. Many more people would enjoy the lectures if you employ our services.
Thank you for listening to me, and I wish to leave with final words......
(He lifts a gloved hand)
........please shove it!
(He turns to go, marches off. He stops, looks back, bows)
(Now he exits. Hey, I had to shove in the last line -this is my blog!)
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8