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Monologue Mania Day # 194 by Janet S. Tiger Crash Dummy Aug.25, 2014 Parental alert - Strong language, subjects
Crash Dummy A monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved firstname.lastname@example.org
(We hear clicking, and see a young woman with a cane, tapping her way onstage . She is blind but very attractive, dressed well, with a strong attitude.)
Hey, are you in my way? Well if you are, get the hell out of it! Just because I have this cane doesn't mean it can't be used for other things than tapping out Morse code!
(She tips her head)
What? Did you call me something under your breath? I heard that! Think you can run away?
(She waves the cane wildly, trying to hit the person)
Well, fuck you, too! You're a dick if I ever did see one! And before my accident I have seen one and it probably looked just like your face!
(Turns and listens to another person)
Sorry about that language, it's been four years, and I still can't see that well, plus I have a traumatic brain injury. I guess it proves you should not be trying to put on your bra while driving, right? Actually, the brain injury is better, but when I tell people I have one, I can curse whenever I want. It's like a 'get out of jail' card for dirty words!
Don't worry, I don't care what anyone thinks! I mean, I can barely see anyone's face, so what the hell? Did I tell you about the accident? I was on the freeway, and maybe they should use me for one of those commercials, you know? The one with the guy telling you to (imitates big male voice) 'Buckle up, you assholes or this could happen to you'
Well, maybe they wouldn't say asshole, but I think they should, cause I was a stupid asshole for not wearing my belt. And now I'm paying, big time!
It's my eyes, you see, when my head hit the windshield, they popped out or something, so I couldn't see for like the first six months, just shadows, really creepy. I mean, it's like living in a damned horror movie, but I was the horror! Then it started to improve, and now I can see like outlines of people and trees and stuff, nothing smaller than a body.......and I can see movement.....
(She waves her hand at the person, follows the arm motion)
I was gonna be an actress, but now I'm just going for comedian. Hey, are you getting bored? I can hear you edging away from me! I may be a stupid asshole with a brain injury, but I ain't retarded!
(She walks toward the moving person)
You don't wanna hear the rest of my story? Your loss, you dumb shit! Lemme tell you, if you were a big producer, you'd be after me in a minute! Comedy needs a blind crazy woman! Yes, it does! Why? Because Robin Williams is dead!
And I am ready to rock n roll! I need the money and the audiences will love me......(A little desperate) Hey, don’t you realize you had the honor of meeting a real live fuckin’ crash dummy!
(Takes a deep breath, taps around)
What a surprise.
(She listens, perks up.)
I hear another one, coming this way! Maybe it's a big producer....or someone smaller, like Steven Spielberg......All I need is someone with a good eye....so at least one of us will have one! Should I keep that? Boy, this fishing for producers is hard work.......I give myself one more month......now if only I could remember what day it is......damned brain.......
(She starts tapping off, faster now)
Hey, you.....are you in my way? Well, if you are, get the hell out .......
(She exits, but we can hear her tapping faintly until she is gone, but never forgotten.)
For Ariel - we are praying for you.
------------------------------------------------- Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315 www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com Member Dramatists Guild since 1983 Playwright-in-Residence Swedenborg Hall 2006-8