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Monologue Mania Day # 196 by Janet S. Tiger What's Good for You (alternate ending) Aug.27, 2014
Note - Two different endings for this piece - you choose which works better for your audition/class. Yesterday had one ending - today's is different. Just like life!
What's Good for You (alternate ending)
(for THE SENIOR CHANNEL) A monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved email@example.com
(An older man comes onstage, carrying a stack of books and magazines, hard to carry, but he's doing it. He is still very irritated - the same man from
Day # 9 )
Hello everyone! Like a bad dream and last night's cabbage, I'm back!
And I have more truth for you all! Here it is!
(He opens a book)
Right there, in black and white! If you eat too many eggs, you will die. Okay, the book has more pages and a detailed explanation of cholesterol and how it clogs your arteries, and how eggs are bad for you, but the bottom line is - if you eat too many eggs, you will die!
And look at this....
(He opens a magazine)
Meat! I have eaten meat since I grew up on a farm in Ohio - and now I find out that meat will kill me, too!
First chickens and their damned eggs, now..... cows!
And let's not forget.....
(He pulls out the books rapidly now)
Tuna has mercury! Asbestos may stop your house from burning, but you get cancer from it! Sugar is bad, sugar is very bad, salt is bad, and smoking is the devil's own hell!
(He grabs two books shakes them at the audience)
One doctor says lay the baby on its back so it won't suffocate when it's asleep - this one says put the baby on its stomach! I say put the baby on its head! There, problem solved! Or, better yet, let sleeping babies alone!
(He throws the books in the air)
It's all awful! Everything we eat, and everything we do and everything we learned and even everything we think is all wrong and bad and the only conclusion I can reach that is even slightly logical is that.....life is bad for you! Life will be the death of us all! So give up before you start! Die now and avoid the rush later!
(He stops, breathing deeply, reaches into his pocket and takes out a cell phone)
Now this horrid thing, this will be the death of me yet!
(He answers it very annoyed)
Why did you call me now? I told you I was busy! I am in the middle of......
(He perks up, listens)
What did you say? Oh, my God, I can't believe it! Are you sure? Wasn't that a little early? Two weeks late? Oh....I'll be right there!
(He punches the phone, then kisses it.)
You beautiful thing! You'll have to excuse me, folks, but I just became a great grandfather!
(He starts to walk off, leaving the books, turns back)
Life may be the death of me yet - but a new baby.... that is the reason why we keep on living!
(He skips off now. The end of this, but the beginning of some new life!)
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315 www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com Member Dramatists Guild since 1983 Playwright-in-Residence Swedenborg Hall 2006-8