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--------------------------------------------------------------------------- Monologue Mania Day # 225 by Janet S. Tiger Probably Sept. 25, 2014
Probably (for CRIME) A monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved email@example.com
(A man comes out onstage. This is a powerful man, a man with power. He exudes confidence, and he is annoyed. He has a cigarette, but it is not lit.)
They’re gonna sue me – whoooooeeeeee!.....well that puts a lot of fear into me! (Laughs) The first big guy I worked for was in real estate, and he was full of good advice. He told me (imitates accent) ‘You ain’t nobody until you been sued!’ and then he’d chuckle and add , ‘and you ain’t somebody until you been sued – and lost!’
He taught me that being sued was like being in a war – and there were two important things that you learned when you were sued and you lost– (he imitates accents and counts on his fingers, too) number one, you can get over it. And number two….you never want to lose again.’ You know how many lawsuits I’m involved with now? Twenty- five – and eleven are against me personally. I don’t give a…(stops himself, remembers to watch his words carefully)…it doesn’t matter to me what people think of me or what they think about my papers. I only care if they read them! (Smiling) And they do love to read them! With all the Internet stuff, and Facebook, and Twitter and Twatter.....Why do you think people are still interested in my papers? Because they want something to look at where another person has made some decisions for them. Don’t get me wrong, computers are great, but on a computer, you have to know where to go. Do you waste your time on this site or that? Will you get a virus from the one over here that looks funny? Will your computer crash and burn because you thought a video was cool? People pick up my papers and read them because they are interested in the same things people have been interested in since the cavemen! They don’t have to think – someone else – one of my brilliant editors has chosen a great article for them…
(He holds up a paper and thumbs through.) There – a chicken with two heads! Now you don’t see that every day at Walmart! And better yet, the chickens talk to each other…and better yet, they talk to the farmer who discovered them….there -that is a story to remember! And tell your friends! What about this one? (He points to a page) 'Teacher Fired For Threatening to Kill Students With a Robot!' (Laughs) I didn't even have to make anything up....I mean.....'embellish' this one! We did do a great Photoshop of a Killer Robot....that was a big winner on the sharing side for Facebook! (He closes the paper) (Thinks) My experience is that people love murders – but only some of them. Most murders are committed by family members, friends, lovers…people we know. The truth is....they are horrible, and they are sad....... and boring because ......there’s no mystery! (He perks up) But a young innocent child gets abducted and everyone is alert! Why? Because it is our worst fear….a stranger…a monster is after us, after our children. (Stops to think) I have a daughter, same age as the first one killed. We live in the same county where this happened. So…my wife and I are very careful – we screen everyone who works for us with the methods the FBI uses. My daughter never walks to school. I can protect my children from most danger…probably. Even though I’m careful, I know that no one can prevent every problem – luck is a huge factor in all life. That’s why everyone wants to know what happens to these missing kids – because….it could be someone we know, the kid down the street….our kids. (Gets angry again) Do I think that what I did affected the outcome of the case? Absolutely not! If anything, I helped the police! I have the best computer geeks I can buy – and that’s why I had them hack into that missing girl's cell phone – the cops didn’t even think of it for two whole days! And I’m sorry if the messages were deleted! We saved copies! And I’m really sorry if the cops saw that those messages were gone and thought she was still alive….and the family got their hopes up….that…I’m really sorry about, (very hard) but in the real world, these victims are usually dead within the first 24 hours. And that means five to six. So she was probably dead before we hacked in.
Probably. According to the killer and we know how much we can trust them! If that tunnel-vision detective hadn’t focused on the stepfather, they might’ve found that body sooner – and the other girl wouldn’t be dead, too. The odds – usually it is the male in the household. (Remembering) I knew the stepfather was guilty – I could see it in his eyes. The police were sure it was him, but I knew he didn’t do it.
(Smiles) Whoa….didn’t I just say he was guilty? Yeah – but that was just the way we write it, so you keep reading….He was guilty, but not of hurting her. He was on some TV show and he said – ‘why didn’t I give her a ride that morning? Why did I let her walk? She’d be ok if I hadn’t been late to work….’ He was guilty, the kind of guilt a parent has when we can’t protect our children from everything. It’s the second guessing guilt – ‘if I didn’t let him ride his bike down that steep hill he never would’ve broken his arm’…. ‘if I didn’t let him hang out with those older kids, he never would’ve started smoking dope’ It’s a parent thing. It was in his eyes.
He may have been just the stepfather but he loved that girl and I knew he never hurt her. (Laughs) And that idiot detective put him through like 20 lie detector tests…..amazing! That’s why I had that guy followed – not the father, the detective. See, I did it again! You thought I had the father followed…….I just love to surprise people. That’s the essence of entertainment.
(Back to the law suit.) The police love to blame me, but they don’t want to take responsibility! They hated it that I printed a story about their own mistakes. We were the ones who found out about the DNA! From that girl who got attacked by the lake. (Very taut) If that secretary …(he is very upset)….. had asked for the DNA to be tested immediately….. maybe the second one wouldn’t have been killed! It’s their own fault!
And what about the parole board who let the monster out of the cage? Is anyone suing them? And the parole officers who looked the other way when he violated his parole over 50 TIMES! And what about those parents? They knew their son was doing something wrong…parents know…..But I’m the one they’re suing….because I have the deep pockets. It’s OK, I make every lawsuit pay for itself. You see, here's the truth of it.....the bigger the lawsuit, the more publicity I get, the more papers I sell. It’s a game….
(He sticks out his chin) And if you don't like the game, don't buy tickets for the front row!
(He straightens his tie, thinks, his shoulders sag a bit)) And like I said, by the time we hacked the phone…she was probably dead…..
(He turns to leave, but he is still affected, stops, looks back.)
(He exits. The end.)
-------------------------------------- Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315 www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com Member Dramatists Guild since 1983 Playwright-in-Residence Swedenborg Hall 2006-8 --------------------------------------------------------