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Apr. 3, 2014 Day #50 Monologue Mania
Response to Mummy Dearest
(for the Senior Channel's Day #49)
by Janet S. Tiger
© 2014 all rights reserved
(A woman in her fifties comes onstage, nice-looking, dressed professionally, every hair in place. She has a stack of books in her hand. She is faintly annoyed.)
Hello, thank you for having me here on such short notice on …Senior Moments.
I am usually not one to complain, but the gentleman who was here last week about the animal mummification just got my dander up! I was horrified at his request – to contact scientists encouraging them to desist from their attempts to understand the universe. Please do not humor this man’s request to stop science!
For those of you who did not watch him, I will summarize by saying that he made the claim that he was still here on earth for over 2000 years because he and his family were able to keep themselves alive due to (scornful) ‘secret’ family methods learned during the Egyptian era. Hmmph! I beg to differ!
(Holds open one of the books)
I am an expert in the field, but you don’t have to trust me – a trained researcher – you see, anyone can do just a tiny bit of research – on the Internet, or better yet, in real books in real libraries!- and if you do, you will learn that his supposition is ….at best, ridiculous!
The man made it sound as if being a ‘Priest of Anubis’ was something very special – well, most of the populace looked down on those people!
And I must also point out that, had he been honest, he would have admitted that when he died, he was subjected to the proving – how he would be allowed into the underworld. This was done with the very scientific feather of truth!
(She opens another book, removes a feather.)
To be accepted into the afterlife, his heart would have to be lighter than this –
(Waves the feather around.)
And here is the reality – if he and his family had been cheating people – telling them the mummies were their beloved animals, but instead (very disgusted) using rocks and dirt! – then when he got to the trial of Osiris, (reverent) the judge of the dead…. in the hall of truth….
Then this is what would have happened…. Behold the feather of Ma’at, the feather of truth and harmony!
(She holds up the feather in one hand, with the books in her other hand, imitating a scale, the side with the books droops way down. Snorts derisively)
Not a chance for the afterlife!
(She drops the books on the ground.)
And then his cheating heart would be dropped to the floor…..
(She drops the books.)
………where it would be eaten by the god Amenti….the one with the body of a rhino and the face …..of a crocodile! Mmmmm…good!
(She smiles, licking her lips.)
(Quieter) And his life- and soul, I may add, would be relegated to a fate worse than death – the eternal fate of …non-existence!
Unless of course, he begged, and there was always a chance if he begged enough and said the appropriate words….’I am pure’ 61 times, perhaps, just perhaps, he might be allowed to live…. forever…… with one unpleasant requirement.
So, in conclusion, I propose that he – and his family - are still alive due to a much more rational reason – he and his family….are cursed.
Now, for some reason, the discovery of the false mummifications will probably make the curse be rescinded, and he will be relegated to a nothingness again…..or maybe he just likes it here….who knows? But one way or the other, the scientific conclusion I have reached is that
the only logical explanation for this is…..a curse.
For those unaware of the power of ancient curses, you may be interested in taking one of the classes I offer through the senior education division of the local community college, the information will be shown on the screen as I walk away….like this….
(She walks out, pausing to pick up the feather and wave it at the crowd. Lights down. )