Valentine's Day Lament
by Janet S. Tiger
(c) Feb. 14, 2014 all rights reserved MonologueStore.com
(A young man comes out onstage, he is dressed nicely, and has a big bouquet - so big it is almost funny, and an equally large box of chocolates. He is obviously waiting for someone ...someone who is late. He takes out a cell phone and calls, no answer, he calls another number)
No, she's still not here! I don't know, I think you gave me some real stupid advice. I feel like an idiot standing here! I mean, people are staring at me! They know somebody stood me up, I mean I have a ten pound box of candy, and two dozen roses, and the candy is melting and the roses are , well, they're not as nice as they were 30 minutes ago!
(He listens, gets annoyed)
What? You think I should wait some more? What the hell for? I mean, what is the big deal about Valentines' Day for these girls anyway? It's only one day out of the whole damn year, and it costs a fortune and I haven't even taken her to dinner yet and I......
(He listens, gets even madder.)
I don't care what you say - it's a big scam designed to get people to spend money! And hard-earned money at that! We've only gone out for a month, and she's nice and all, but......
(Listens, now he's steaming)
Well, you're not the one everyone's pointing fingers at! And you're not the one who spent a whole day's salary on somebody! You're married, you don't have to do much - what did you tell me? A card and a nice dinner does it! (Listens) And no, I do not have any intention of getting married to save money on Valentine's Day! Look, I am going to wait here exactly one more minute - that's sixty seconds and then I am going to eat all this candy and give these flowers to the next old lady I see - at least I can make someone's day!
(He finishes the call, still angry, looks at the watch, the time is counting down.....approaching the one minute mark. He starts shaking his head, about to give away the flowers - even takes one out - when he hears something. He turns and looks, and his whole face - never mind the face - his whole body changes. He lights up like a Christmas tree - ok, wrong holiday, but you get the idea. He walks toward the edge of the stage, dropping one of the flowers.)
That's ok, I haven't been waiting long.......no, I wasn't worried, I knew you'd be here.
(He steps off for a minute, and when he returns, he does not have the flowers or candy, but is smiling as if he has won the lottery. Now he runs to get the flower that dropped. When he picks it up, he looks at the audience.)
Maybe it's not such a bad day after all....
(He puts the flower into his lapel and runs off - or maybe he actually lifts off!)
The end. - Or maybe just the beginning of the end!