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Monologue Mania Day # 106 by Janet S. Tiger Locked Out (c) May 29, 2014
by Janet S. Tiger
c) May 27, 2014 all rights reserved
(An older woman comes onstage, she is waving a handful of keys on assorted rings.)
Locked Out! Of course I know that I have been locked out ten times in the last month - for heaven's sake, I was the one locked out!
All of you think I am going senile- and maybe I am, who knows? But I believe....
(She leans over conspiratorilly)
............these keys are actually cursed!
I have no idea by whom, of course, but why else would they disappear? There is no other logical explanation!
Even now, when I keep three sets outside - just in case- they still disappear. Of course I realize that the unfortunate thing, is that when I use a set, I often forget to replace it in its hiding place outside! This way, when I get locked out again, I go crazy looking for a set of keys that isn't there in the first place...or maybe it's in the second place......ooh, this is confusing!
(She holds the keys up to her ears)
I was thinking of having earrings made with them - don't laugh, I've seen bigger earrings on the young people! Maybe I'd start a new fad, who knows? But I decided it wasn't a good idea, because if I lost the keys, my head would go with it, and losing my marbles is hard enough, what would I do if I misplaced my head?
(Shakes her head, annoyed)
All right, I will try not to joke about it. I realize it is rough for you to come running and make new keys every time this happens. But at least we have keys....
(She looks off, she is remembering)
When I was twelve, it was the middle of the depression, and my father was dead, and it was hard for my mother to get enough work as a seamstress to pay all the bills. So....we had to move a lot, and one time, they actually locked us out. We came back to our apartment, and all our things were on the street. Everything. Even my box of underwear - we didn't have dressers, it was too hard to move, so we had boxes. The keys didn't work, and one of the neighbors told us what had happened.
The funny thing is, I thought it was kind of fun, exciting in a way, new - but perhaps that is the difference between twelve and 86!
So I suppose - in some strange way - that is why, my dear children, I am so odd about keys. And why I give to every charity for the homeless, and why I hope you understand that......I am now....... ready to give up my keys.
(Listens, takes a deep breath)
I know you're all happy. Now you can fight about who gets crazy old me.......this is not an easy decision, but I think, based on this last time, when I almost fell out of the window breaking into my own place, and the police had to help me when I got stuck there........it is time.
So......here they are......all of them.......
(She drops the keys on the floor)
I only keep one key........
(She clasps her hands over her chest)
The key to my heart - and that, one, my dear children, you already have all the copies.
(She turns to leave, picks up the keys, looks at them, then walks off, head high. The end - of living alone - for now.)
Janet S. Tiger 858-274-9678
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8